I stand with head down in shame

I now know you are there,

I know you can breathe sometimes,

I know that you are in pain,

Do I wish you could still feel?

Nothing can change what has happened,

How I wish I could have helped you that very day,

Even if a single person would have heard you cry in pain.

Your eyes look around for that justice,

You want to live we know.

I don't understand how you may still wanna live though,

The pain will pass by,

But what about whats going inside?

Someone touched me in the bus that day and I cant take it out of my mind yet

How would you take those 6 men out of you?

Shall I say men?

Or shall I say penises with evil heads?

Aaaaaaah.. Why could you not just miss that movie.

When I read about what happened I was sad and in tears,

Didn't believe what has happened so read it again.

Where did you send your soul then?

From where did it return with such a power to live.

I cried many times the day I read about you.

Did it help? No

Was it only me who cried? No

That rod went inside all of us.

Those 6 penises went inside all of us.

They will never come out.

There would not be a day when our soul would not pray for you

There would not be a day when our soul would not curse them

Could it help make you feel better?

I don't think so.

The whole city is on roads,

but I know you fight alone.

I have not met you,

I have not seen you,

but I wish that no one has a fate like yours.

You have been torn apart from inside and outside,

and they say a charge sheet would be filed within a month.

You are bleeding and so is your heart,

and they say theek hai.

You were naked 

and they say don't get angry.

You were beaten 

and they say lets not go against the human rights.

You were raped 

and they say read between the lines.

I am sorry on behalf of all those who are still able to say so.

I can't take you back to the state you were before,

but I stand head down with shame.

Being a part of this system,

calling myself an elite educated one,

I feel ashamed.

I wasn't there, 

And even if I was, what could have I done against the 6?  

But I wish I were there,

to have taken at least 3 inside me,

so you could have felt maybe lesser pain.

I stand with head down in shame,

In front of a woman every twenty minutes,

I stand with head down in shame.

I stand with head down in shame.

Wish that my presence could at least help one soul around.

There are not many a times when I am moved by somebody's personal issue or trouble. It takes a while for things to gain my attention and empathy.

One such thing happened today.

There is a very hard working guy in my office. He serves tea, coffee etc. He takes care of everybody's needs. He knows timely requirement of each and every employee and there has never been a case when he had to be reminded about the same.

Yesterday I heard him talking to someone in office that he has not been able to withdraw his provident fund money. He sounded troubled and so I asked him about the same.

He said that he wants to withdraw his provident fund (pf) money. There is a madam in his previous office, with whom he coordinates and she had sent his completed pf form to pf office. It was submitted about three months ago. The application was rejected and no reason was given. He then again requested that lady in his previous office for another pf form. He went to the pf office with that completed form and requested the officials to help him. He said there were many people there to withdraw their pf. The pf officials asked for bribe to do his work. On an amount of approx 90k they were asking for about 5k. Apart from all the other reasons of not paying the bribe, the poor guy does not earn this much so he could not even imagine of paying the same. Again his form got stuck and there has been no progress. It has been one month  now. 

The pf office is far away and is only open on weekdays, when he is also working. I asked him that he should get another complete fresh form from his previous office and submit it again. If we get a fresh, double checked application submitted, we will then work towards making sure that it gets accepted.

By then I had decided that I will get his work done.

He said that if he calls, that lady tells him not to disturb her and is not ready to listen. He was concerned that even if he has the form, as he is working on weekdays he will not be able to go to the pf office which is far off & would take a lot of time. Who will take care of his errands here? I have never seen such dedication towards work and responsibility in-spite of the fact that the amount involved is huge and he really needs it. He needs the pf to get it deposited in a fixed deposit so that he gets higher interest rate on it. His daughter is growing up and he wants to make sure that he has enough money to marry her off properly. 

It took me a while to convince him that if he has a new form we will make sure to get it cleared. He can travel on a weekday to a nearer pf office and can get some hours off work and  can resubmit the form.

This is just one problem in one such poor & unfortunate person's life. I can't even imagine how many such ridiculous problems must be there in so many people's life. One got noticed but what about the others? To whom shall the poor and lesser educated complain to? These government problems are with everyone in a corrupted country like India. But people with somewhat more money get their work done by paying bribes and makes it even harder for these issues to be fixed permanently. It seems to be a vicious circle. He is poor and never had such privileges that we had in terms of education, food etc. Thus he has a lower education and exposure to opportunities. He again ends up on a lower income scale, and his generation ahead again faces such issues. These issues become even gigantic in our country given the population, corruption and weaker jurisdiction. The social responsibilities like marrying a daughter which requires a lot of money in our Indian society further complexes these financial problems.

I could just assure him that I will help him and will get this fixed. But what about other more permanent, awkward and ridiculous never ending issues.

Where shall we start resolving them and who shall we start with?

Prerna

She is a girl of a kind.

I have known her for years now,

every single moment of which I had wished,

to have known her for longer.

Talking, laughing and then talking some more,

this was for us a day to day chore.

Have never met someone so alive,

yet she thinks its me who needs someone larger than life.

She used to ride her bicycle in the lanes,

lost in thought and her hair strewn all over her face,

she would not know if it was day or night,

for she had to keep looking for her knight.

I used to lift her up and turn round & round,

She was like a little doll to me,

Though I am younger than her in age.

We ate together, laughed together, slept together,

the mornings were all bright and the nights were late.

She had to move away and I had to stay on,

and we lost touch for years that followed upon.

But it had to happen,

we had to meet again,

so we landed up,

in the same city, in the same lanes.

She had to leave again,

and I stayed on,

But I made a promise that day

and I have kept it all along.

Heights...

Let me just walk,

for I can feel myself then,

I can talk to myself,

Yeah as if I don't do that other times.

But its different you know, 

Its more alive.

The joy is different,

the feeling is amazing.

Maybe its the air that smells different,

or is it the heights that I love?

I guess I will never know,

but do I care?

Well let it be the cold,

or the sharp wind,

or those foggy mornings.

Who knows what makes my heart skip,

it may be the starry nights,

or the howl of the wild animal away,

or may be too close.

The water was cold,

so I just barely touched,

the fire kept us alive,

so I collected the wood.

Snow had different plans,

but they can change,

as long as you love the wind,

and can smell the air right.

I will go soon,

and I will go again,

I will walk alone,

I will find my way,

I know the winds roar,

and snow carves a path,

the howls will guide, 

and the stars walk along,

I will walk upto the summit,

and look down from there,

I know it would be amazing,

I can feel it here as well.

Mixed thoughts...

Ohh damn! I feel crippled,

I want to but I can't.

Feels like I am trapped,

but don't you worry, 

for I will break free.

I will break free even before you know  it.

I know you think it does not matter,

but it does you know.

We are here for once,

and this is our only chance.

Lets not waste and lets not fight,

lets relax and play 

and then lets play some more.

What did you say?

For I could not hear,

I was listening to something else,

Oh damn! I missed it

and I missed that too.

But don't you worry, 

for I will break free,

I will break free even before you know  it.

And I will let the wind break in and 

let it swirl us around.

Would you like that Oh Dear,

Oh so dear!!

Let me know if you don't.

I don't promise, 

but I will try to listen this time,

and fix it, all right.

Listening?

Pstins sumthing here after a long time...... Have written many in the meanwhile, will try to post some more..

The morning hurry,

With the morning sun shining bright,

Oh man I love this heat,

this absurd warm smell of the mornings,

Well do I? 

I am not sure.

When I walk in, they look at me,

When I stand there, smiling, they wonder.

When I lean, the eyes turn,

When I leave, they don't notice.

Sure she would feel the same,

the look in her eyes reflects mine sometimes,

though she is even more still,

and why is that anger on her face?

Shall I ask? Would it be too abrupt?

Well I am just curious, not meaning to pry.

But who knows what she may say,

what If she gives a look and just turns away.

But there is something which makes me look at her,

something which makes me wonder,

something which I can't but I need to say,

It is driving me crazy.

Shall I not worry, go ahead and talk?

Maybe she wonders and worries about the same,

We sometimes loose it all by thinking too much.

But if we did not, 

would life end the same?

Is it too realistic or is it too dreamy?

Who would know until someone try the same?

Let me be the one, and walk in

Let me be the one and free her from the pain

Let me be the one with an unsaid purpose and name