My voice choked and my eyes welled up with tears. Papa said to me on the phone " beta, Moradabad wale mausaji aye hai" (Your uncle from Moradabad, has come).
It struck me somewhere. She had died. Yeah, she had died in the summers. But this was the first realization of her absence. My maternal aunt or so to say my dearest "Mausiji".
She had died of cancer. I was once talking to my mother on phone during the summers and when I asked about my mausiji's well being as I knew she was ill, my mother could not control herself and she bursted into tears. 2-3 days had passed by then. As always, due to the fear of emotional trauma it would cause me, my family had hiden the truth from me. My mother was devastated. As I kept the phone and assured my mother that I would be fine, I did not know how to react. I made myself cry.
I recalled how she had a talk with me in my brother's marriage, some few months back. That was the last time I saw her. No one knew by then. She was complaining to me how I never had time and I was too busy in the marriage to sit and talk to her. She never let me know that she was the one who was short of time.
I saw her photographs. It had come as a shock to all of us. Well what can I say? That was my first closest encounter with death. That was my closest encounter with the cold truths of life. All other pain and sorrows appeared small and crawling infront of this loss.
It made me realize that no one is for ever. I was afraid and cried many times just contemplating how life would turn like in the future. I could not stop myself from imagining that how would it feel to loose my mother and I hated myself for that. But fear had taken its grip on me. I feared loosing everything then.
This is a confession. It was only yesterday, when for the first time, I longed for her voice and her warm hug. Everytime my mom used to tell me "beta, mausiji ayi hui hai, hum masti kar rahe hai" (Your aunt has come and we are enjoying). But this time there was no excitement in her voice. How chirpy she used to become!!! I do not know how is she managing with such a terrible loss. They had spent the childhood together and then were seperated as both got married and went to live at different places. Due to family responsibilities and all other work they met very infrequently, mostly at family functions. I could feel the resentment in the voice of my mother, of not spending more time with her, while she was busy in her household.
Everything looked so damp and dark.
I realized how life keeps moving on and you continue loosing those you love the most. When they are alive, you never have time to listen to them or be closer to them. You are so busy that you do not even realize it. You take everyone just for granted.
But life is cruel. It makes you realize one more thing in the end, that you do not have the time to even mourn for them.
We all will keep loving you Rekha mausi and you will always remain close to our hearts.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Its your home.....
hey friends....
Happy new year to all of you. :):)
I was at my home for the winter vacations. My brother's marriage was scheduled for winters and there was a lot of rush at my place. All guests had come and we all were having a great time. After a long time we all, as in, my sister and her family, me, my brother and my parents were all together. It was truly like a festival. But the joy which was on my parents face couold not be described in words. Believe me friends, try to notice the glow on your parents face when you go home and see how heavenly it feels to see them so happy. There is nothing in this whole world which makes them more happy then having their children with them at home. But sadly, few are those parents whose even one single child lives with them. We all have to leave home for our studies or job or sometimes just because we get married. I was so young when I left home to study at a far off place. I know that this has made my career but I feel so sad when I remember those days when my parents used to pine for me and I could do nothing. But I now know how important is my presence for them and I make it a point to be at home during every festival and all through my holidays. Making them happy means so much for me that however long may be the holidays I spend them at home, with them.
But I don't understand why other students are always trying to run away from home these days. I usually find students saying that we don't want to spend time at home or we get bored, we don't feel like going to home or being there for a long time and it feels very odd staying at home etc etc. I don't want to interfere in your personal life but I would really like to share something with you guys. I live in a very small town which has no place to go and roam about or much food outlets and I have not got any friends left there anymore. Its just me and my parents as my siblings also live far away. But I never get bored at my home. Its just that I make my mind that I have to spend all my holidays here and I keep myself engaged in stuff which I like. I sometimes do very arbit things and sometimes pick up some hobbies which I have not followed for a long time. I really loved painting at my school time and this summer, after about 5 years, I started painting again and made 3 paintings and had a lot of fun. I could not believe that I could make such nice paintings. I never understand that how can anybody get bored at one's own home, a place where you were born, where you spent your childhood and where your parents live. I feel so sad from inside when they say all this and so many of them just spend all their holidays in the college itself even during the long summer vacations. Guys I am writing this post for you people. You know how it feels when your mother wakes you up in the morning and gives you a very nice breakfast, the one of your choice. As soon as you get home your father brings all the stuff to eat which you like. Your each and every wish is being fulfilled just because you were not at home or sometimes because you would be leaving soon or sometimes just because you are saying so. They will even laugh at the most stupid joke that you ever made. Believe me, they will find the dumbest of excuse to fulfill your wishes and to take care of yours. You spend the whole day doing all the stuff you like the most, eat like a king and spend your evening with your mom and dad watching tv or playing cards or just making fun of your siblings and teasing everybody around. And there are a lot more things you could do. When I am at home I am completely me. I cook, watch lots of movies, read books, try out some gardening etc. Sometimes I just fool around feeling so realaxeed.
So friends try and stay for at least one whole vacation at your home and feel that how majestic it is. Signing off for now. You all take good care of yourself.
Happy new year to all of you. :):)
I was at my home for the winter vacations. My brother's marriage was scheduled for winters and there was a lot of rush at my place. All guests had come and we all were having a great time. After a long time we all, as in, my sister and her family, me, my brother and my parents were all together. It was truly like a festival. But the joy which was on my parents face couold not be described in words. Believe me friends, try to notice the glow on your parents face when you go home and see how heavenly it feels to see them so happy. There is nothing in this whole world which makes them more happy then having their children with them at home. But sadly, few are those parents whose even one single child lives with them. We all have to leave home for our studies or job or sometimes just because we get married. I was so young when I left home to study at a far off place. I know that this has made my career but I feel so sad when I remember those days when my parents used to pine for me and I could do nothing. But I now know how important is my presence for them and I make it a point to be at home during every festival and all through my holidays. Making them happy means so much for me that however long may be the holidays I spend them at home, with them.
But I don't understand why other students are always trying to run away from home these days. I usually find students saying that we don't want to spend time at home or we get bored, we don't feel like going to home or being there for a long time and it feels very odd staying at home etc etc. I don't want to interfere in your personal life but I would really like to share something with you guys. I live in a very small town which has no place to go and roam about or much food outlets and I have not got any friends left there anymore. Its just me and my parents as my siblings also live far away. But I never get bored at my home. Its just that I make my mind that I have to spend all my holidays here and I keep myself engaged in stuff which I like. I sometimes do very arbit things and sometimes pick up some hobbies which I have not followed for a long time. I really loved painting at my school time and this summer, after about 5 years, I started painting again and made 3 paintings and had a lot of fun. I could not believe that I could make such nice paintings. I never understand that how can anybody get bored at one's own home, a place where you were born, where you spent your childhood and where your parents live. I feel so sad from inside when they say all this and so many of them just spend all their holidays in the college itself even during the long summer vacations. Guys I am writing this post for you people. You know how it feels when your mother wakes you up in the morning and gives you a very nice breakfast, the one of your choice. As soon as you get home your father brings all the stuff to eat which you like. Your each and every wish is being fulfilled just because you were not at home or sometimes because you would be leaving soon or sometimes just because you are saying so. They will even laugh at the most stupid joke that you ever made. Believe me, they will find the dumbest of excuse to fulfill your wishes and to take care of yours. You spend the whole day doing all the stuff you like the most, eat like a king and spend your evening with your mom and dad watching tv or playing cards or just making fun of your siblings and teasing everybody around. And there are a lot more things you could do. When I am at home I am completely me. I cook, watch lots of movies, read books, try out some gardening etc. Sometimes I just fool around feeling so realaxeed.
So friends try and stay for at least one whole vacation at your home and feel that how majestic it is. Signing off for now. You all take good care of yourself.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Smile.....:):)
Smile as he wants to see you smile
Smile for ur ownself
Smile as there is nothing so bad that wud make u cry
Smile to cheer up yourself
Smile because it costs nothing..
Smile for ur family
Smile because you look heavenly when you smile
Smile as ur smile is so pure
Smile as it shows ur dimples
Smile because you dont just need any reason to smile
:):):)
So my friends just smile a lot and stay happy..... :):):)
Smile for ur ownself
Smile as there is nothing so bad that wud make u cry
Smile to cheer up yourself
Smile because it costs nothing..
Smile for ur family
Smile because you look heavenly when you smile
Smile as ur smile is so pure
Smile as it shows ur dimples
Smile because you dont just need any reason to smile
:):):)
So my friends just smile a lot and stay happy..... :):):)
Monday, March 31, 2008
Bollywood.......
hi all........
Thanks everybody for all your wonderful support, encouragement and belief in me, which I got on my first post. Due to all that love, I am able to pen down my feelings about the current trend of Hindi Movies & Bollywood.
All this came to my mind earlier also, but got motivated to write this as I went to watch the movie "Race" yesterday.
So guys n gals, this is something which must have occurred to all of you, but may be, you may not have given it a serious thought. I want to ask you all , how many of you are happy with the current trend of hindi movies?? Does there exist a single one of us, may be of any age who is satisfied with the kind of entertainment we get or are supposed to get from recent hindi movies.
I will speak the truth whether it is too harsh for the movie makers. I have started feeling that there is no one called a story writer or a script writer attached with the movies being made these days. I feel that strongly each time I watch a hindi movie with of course a few exception. What was that which was made on name of "Om Shanti Om" or "Dus Kahaaniya" or "Saanwariya" or "Goal" or "Sunday" or "Welcome" ?? Sorry I can not name each and every such item being made on name of a movie here (List will never end). All these are movies of big banners, but was there any good story or any kind of healthy entertainment involved with them.
Do you all expect something called "Saanwariya" from a renowed director like Sanjay Leela Bhansali? Casting big star names, shooting on foreign locations, big budget are not good enough reasons for a movie to be entertaining.
I feel that the producers and directors think, that what they need for their movies these days is good foreign location, big stars names and some out of place item songs & a hot chick dancing in the song. They make movies just for the sake of it and to earn money or make a fool out of the viewers, who go to PVR's & spend about 150 rs on each ticket, in hope of healthy enjoyment, but all goes in vain. I felt so bad after watching the movie "Om Shanti Om". I never expected such a movie from Shahrukh Khan, the favorite of all. He owe some responsibility towards his viewers, where is that gone?
Where is that passion gone from all the people involved in the making of a movie? Making a movie is an art, acting in it is an art. Anyone who only takes it as a money and fame earning occupation can not do justice with it. It is not that there is no talent. If it would have been the case then the doom of Bollywood must have come uptill now. It is because that passion is missing from a major percentage of people of film industry. Why don't these people think of some new ideas which aim to entertain viewers in a more wholesome way? Most of the ideas are copied from Hollywood and they are also not implemented in a good manner. They even spoil the original idea of Hollywood.
They make comedy like "Sunday", "Welcome". Saanwariya on name of Romance. I can't say in which category the others which I have mentioned above do fall. I did not found "Race" so bad, maybe because its plot was ok, but as such it also has a lot of flaws and stuff, which is much more than enough for any of us to get bored with it.
I do not say this for the complete hindi film industry. There are still people like Amir khan, Subhash Ghai and many more who most often come up with good ideas and provide us good entertainment. They may not make a wholesale number of movies, but atleast make some which are worth watching.
It is completely my point of view and many of you may not agree with me. Just for example, my roommate. She likes almost every movie but she criticized "Race". So it is completely a personal choice. I live in a hostel. I am a complete movie freak and grew up watching hindi movies, new and old. Sometimes I ask my friends to name any good movie, so that I can watch it. Earlier when I used to do so, he or she used to tell me that they can't name a hindi one but can suggest many english ones. I then used to think, that Is this a fashion not to watch hindi movie or Is this very trendy? I now know that why those people found it difficult to name a good hindi movie, one with a good and different story, one with passionate actors, one having something innovative and new because there are so few of them. Today I also do the same, always search for an English movie. I have nothing more to say. You all know that most of us do the same.
I wrote this to bring this matter in front of all of you, so that may be something can be done about it and the rich Hindi Cinema may not be devoid of good hindi movies in the future.
Do tell me what you all feel after reading this.
Enjoy!!!!!!!!
Thanks everybody for all your wonderful support, encouragement and belief in me, which I got on my first post. Due to all that love, I am able to pen down my feelings about the current trend of Hindi Movies & Bollywood.
All this came to my mind earlier also, but got motivated to write this as I went to watch the movie "Race" yesterday.
So guys n gals, this is something which must have occurred to all of you, but may be, you may not have given it a serious thought. I want to ask you all , how many of you are happy with the current trend of hindi movies?? Does there exist a single one of us, may be of any age who is satisfied with the kind of entertainment we get or are supposed to get from recent hindi movies.
I will speak the truth whether it is too harsh for the movie makers. I have started feeling that there is no one called a story writer or a script writer attached with the movies being made these days. I feel that strongly each time I watch a hindi movie with of course a few exception. What was that which was made on name of "Om Shanti Om" or "Dus Kahaaniya" or "Saanwariya" or "Goal" or "Sunday" or "Welcome" ?? Sorry I can not name each and every such item being made on name of a movie here (List will never end). All these are movies of big banners, but was there any good story or any kind of healthy entertainment involved with them.
Do you all expect something called "Saanwariya" from a renowed director like Sanjay Leela Bhansali? Casting big star names, shooting on foreign locations, big budget are not good enough reasons for a movie to be entertaining.
I feel that the producers and directors think, that what they need for their movies these days is good foreign location, big stars names and some out of place item songs & a hot chick dancing in the song. They make movies just for the sake of it and to earn money or make a fool out of the viewers, who go to PVR's & spend about 150 rs on each ticket, in hope of healthy enjoyment, but all goes in vain. I felt so bad after watching the movie "Om Shanti Om". I never expected such a movie from Shahrukh Khan, the favorite of all. He owe some responsibility towards his viewers, where is that gone?
Where is that passion gone from all the people involved in the making of a movie? Making a movie is an art, acting in it is an art. Anyone who only takes it as a money and fame earning occupation can not do justice with it. It is not that there is no talent. If it would have been the case then the doom of Bollywood must have come uptill now. It is because that passion is missing from a major percentage of people of film industry. Why don't these people think of some new ideas which aim to entertain viewers in a more wholesome way? Most of the ideas are copied from Hollywood and they are also not implemented in a good manner. They even spoil the original idea of Hollywood.
They make comedy like "Sunday", "Welcome". Saanwariya on name of Romance. I can't say in which category the others which I have mentioned above do fall. I did not found "Race" so bad, maybe because its plot was ok, but as such it also has a lot of flaws and stuff, which is much more than enough for any of us to get bored with it.
I do not say this for the complete hindi film industry. There are still people like Amir khan, Subhash Ghai and many more who most often come up with good ideas and provide us good entertainment. They may not make a wholesale number of movies, but atleast make some which are worth watching.
It is completely my point of view and many of you may not agree with me. Just for example, my roommate. She likes almost every movie but she criticized "Race". So it is completely a personal choice. I live in a hostel. I am a complete movie freak and grew up watching hindi movies, new and old. Sometimes I ask my friends to name any good movie, so that I can watch it. Earlier when I used to do so, he or she used to tell me that they can't name a hindi one but can suggest many english ones. I then used to think, that Is this a fashion not to watch hindi movie or Is this very trendy? I now know that why those people found it difficult to name a good hindi movie, one with a good and different story, one with passionate actors, one having something innovative and new because there are so few of them. Today I also do the same, always search for an English movie. I have nothing more to say. You all know that most of us do the same.
I wrote this to bring this matter in front of all of you, so that may be something can be done about it and the rich Hindi Cinema may not be devoid of good hindi movies in the future.
Do tell me what you all feel after reading this.
Enjoy!!!!!!!!
Friday, March 28, 2008
Post Minor 2 Life at IITD (A Month before Majors)
Hi everybody.......
This is my first post on my first ever blog. So wish me luck!!!!!!
Just after I came back from my mid semester breaks (I was at home to celebrate holi with my parents), back to IIT, I noticed a great change. Everyone was busy in planning his or her own future. Some desperate for internal or external hostel posts and some for their interns or exchange programs. Its time for "poltu" or politics in many of the hostels. I am really happy & proud to be a part of hostel in which no kind of "poltu" exists. You can see people frustrated with poltu in IIT at this point of time. Everyone trying to secure his or her own position in this system. People worried for their summers, everyone has the same concern "What will we do?". No one wants to be left behind in the race. This poltu stuff has such impact that some really very deserving candidates just get aside from the way (to a post) even if they want it, to keep out of "poltu". But some people try to take advantage of everything they can, just to get posts and powers. This is a really busy & bad time for all...
All students, even me and my friends all are making fight for a suitable Internship for summers. Some of the students are busy in preparing and giving interviews for a Foreign Exchange Program. It is this time when the freshers are given responsibilities and posts in hostel for first time. Its a time where comes the House Days and each & every hostel's residents invite faculty members and their friends to their hostel, so that they can show their friends and teachers what all they have achieved the entire year... Great na!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Farewell party is arranged in all hostels for their residents, who will be leaving the hostel this year. Every year some students who complete their studies finally leave to go to some other place & start working. They leave their friends behind who keep on remembering them. So this is a phase of time when every possible kind of emotion sprouts up in our hearts. On the other hand, outside IIT, a fresh new batch is ready to give JEE. Some of them will soon join us. Every year its the same, some students leave IIT and some arrive. Those who leave, have new hopes & new desires for their lives ahead at their workplaces and those who come, have completely different kind of excitement & journey infront of them . Some are at the end of their joyful journey at IIT and some are afresh to start it. Wow!!! what a great diversity in lives at the same time.
This is my first post on my first ever blog. So wish me luck!!!!!!
Just after I came back from my mid semester breaks (I was at home to celebrate holi with my parents), back to IIT, I noticed a great change. Everyone was busy in planning his or her own future. Some desperate for internal or external hostel posts and some for their interns or exchange programs. Its time for "poltu" or politics in many of the hostels. I am really happy & proud to be a part of hostel in which no kind of "poltu" exists. You can see people frustrated with poltu in IIT at this point of time. Everyone trying to secure his or her own position in this system. People worried for their summers, everyone has the same concern "What will we do?". No one wants to be left behind in the race. This poltu stuff has such impact that some really very deserving candidates just get aside from the way (to a post) even if they want it, to keep out of "poltu". But some people try to take advantage of everything they can, just to get posts and powers. This is a really busy & bad time for all...
All students, even me and my friends all are making fight for a suitable Internship for summers. Some of the students are busy in preparing and giving interviews for a Foreign Exchange Program. It is this time when the freshers are given responsibilities and posts in hostel for first time. Its a time where comes the House Days and each & every hostel's residents invite faculty members and their friends to their hostel, so that they can show their friends and teachers what all they have achieved the entire year... Great na!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Farewell party is arranged in all hostels for their residents, who will be leaving the hostel this year. Every year some students who complete their studies finally leave to go to some other place & start working. They leave their friends behind who keep on remembering them. So this is a phase of time when every possible kind of emotion sprouts up in our hearts. On the other hand, outside IIT, a fresh new batch is ready to give JEE. Some of them will soon join us. Every year its the same, some students leave IIT and some arrive. Those who leave, have new hopes & new desires for their lives ahead at their workplaces and those who come, have completely different kind of excitement & journey infront of them . Some are at the end of their joyful journey at IIT and some are afresh to start it. Wow!!! what a great diversity in lives at the same time.
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